Regarding popular vampiric myths...
GARLIC
Just because you decided 'garlic snuff' would be the next 'sliced bread', you and your kin are not allergic to the stuff, even if it does burn your nostrils, does not mean this is a myth. Stop misleading everyone, you pretentious time travelling bastard.
HOLY and OTHER WATER
There are no 'water nymphettes' in church fonts; stop logging your already thick and bloated head. You're not in the Renaissance any more. Holy water is no more dangerous to you than to any living being ... unless you have rabies, which you don't; you're dead. Stop pretending to choke on it, you drama queen. In addition, you do not have a fear of 'open water'; you weren't even on the Titanic. I will not write you into some sick fan fiction Edward de Iceberg. And yes, ice cream does give you blood freeze. Moron
RELIGIOUS ICONS
Wearing religious icons is not a 'fashion statement', as you so eloquently put it, you heretical fool. Furthermore, I don't care if you claim to have been baptised, it is never ok to 'feed' on the Communion Wine or to sing out of key when doing a solo, or hoping for a one sided duet with 'her'. I'm tired of writing apologies on your behalf; I'm your ghost writer, not your P.A.
Over and out
Igor.
P.S. Stop bothering me. I'm in the middle of NaNoWriMo, you illiterate oaf; no, I will not write up your Shakespearean fanfic.
Bugger off.
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